When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
