Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
