At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She told me I should be a condom model.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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