This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
