Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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