We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
