He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
