Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I want her autograph on my taint
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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