I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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