Dual....:-)
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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