considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
