Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
