worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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