cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.