even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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