I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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