he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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