So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
