don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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