I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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