you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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