Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
