Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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