i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
