Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
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He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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