About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
