and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
