I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
