This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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