I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
