you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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