This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
