Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
