My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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