we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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