dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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