the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
third nipple confirmed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
