why didn't you poke me back
I cockslap morals
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
