So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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