so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
