we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
