Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
