She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
