Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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