Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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