i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
