i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
