His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
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I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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