just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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