I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize