I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?