everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?