Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am naked and annoyed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"