ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"