So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
