what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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