You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
