The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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