I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
