I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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