The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize