so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They took my balls.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
