thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
