Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Houston, we have a blender
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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