I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
